


Your Scars Are Beautiful

by SoobinieIsLife



Series: Scars [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kang Taehyun Needs A Hug, M/M, Mentions of past verbal abuse, Sweetheart Choi Beomgyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26938999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoobinieIsLife/pseuds/SoobinieIsLife
Summary: A alternate universe where the words that really hit you or marked you are physically shown on your skin, like in different parts of your body. Both the good and the bad show because they somehow shaped you.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: Scars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073180
Comments: 52
Kudos: 241





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ErickaHowlter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErickaHowlter/gifts).



> So one of my avid readers suggested this prompt for my new Taegyu prompt fic and I though it was way too good to just make a one shot or two parter over. Honestly thank you so much for being a genius and coming up with this! Her comments always make me unbelievably happy so I am honored she would trust my writing and asked me to write this! Hope you like it Ericka!!
> 
> So prepare for the angst guys and pay attention to the tags. There will be mentions of past verbal abuse and child abuse! So if that is not something you feel comfortable with, please read no further since it is a important part of the fic. 
> 
> First we have the prologue! Enjoy!

A small boy sits on the sand at a empty playground, happily building a sandcastle. 

That morning had been a good one for him. His mother had made him a plate of pancakes stacked higher than he had ever seen, with rivers of syrup and the surprise of chocolate chips hidden inside. His dad wasn't there, which meant he didn't have to see his mommy crying which at this point was a rare event. 

There was no school, because it was a long awaited Saturday, and he was given the decision of what he wanted to do during his free day. He had always wanted to go to the playground, where other children played and was the perfect place to make new friends. Although even though he arrived to it being completely devoid of any other human beings, he enjoyed the countless activities he could do here. He had already gone down all the slides, swung on all the swings, and practiced his arm strength on the monkey bars. Now it was the sand pen's turn to be given attention, his castle coming along nicely with a couple struggles here and there.

He looked over at his mother, reading a book on the lone bench. The sight was unusually peaceful and brought a smile to face, finding the determination to build the best sand castle ever for his gentle mom. Maybe if he made it big enough they could live there just the two of them and he'd never have to see her weeping again. He'd make her the happiest person on Earth and be the one to cook her food and play all day long with her.

Such was the innocence of a child, who had yet not come to understand the unrealisticness of his wish to save his mother from the hell she endured back home.

Suddenly his attention was caught on another boy entering the playground with what was assumed to be his father. He was a small scrawny thing and didn't look very happy at all, which was strange because how could you not be happy at a freeing place like this? 

The entering of a child made him excited, finally finding a potential new friend that he always wanted. For some reason the other kids at his school didn't like to play with him, let alone approach him. So he didn't have any friends, loneliness a constant in his tiny life. But now he could, because there was nobody else to distract this other boy from becoming his friend.

He fidgeted and kept taking peeks at the boy from the sand pen, begging in his mind for him to come over. He was quite shy and was a little afraid to approach the other himself, in the back of his mind thinking of all the weird rejection he got from his classmates. 

Maybe he had been too forward in the past or maybe they wanted to be friends but were shy like him. Surely there must be a reason. He hoped whatever reason that was didn't come into play here. He so desperately wanted someone to have sleepovers with and go get ice cream with and have someone to invite to his birthday parties.

A few minutes passed and with one last glance he noticed the boy walking towards him. His cheeks heated up and his heart pounded in his small chest, wondering if everyone in the world could hear how loud it was.

Once the boy was stepping inside the pen, he stopped walking and looked down at the boy's crouched figure.

"What are you doing?" He asked. He sounded annoyed and like the smaller had done something to make him angry. 

He rotated his body around and smiled shyly up at him, but it dropped immediately when he saw the familiar look in the towering boy's eyes that he knew all too well. His mouth ran dry and he could only let out a small whine in response.

The one looking down at him grunted and gave him a look of disgust.

"Nevermind. You're ugly."

And with that he left just as soon as he came.

The boy winced as a burning sensation spread through his left arm, groaning out in pain as he clutched it with his other hand. Tears pricked his eyes and he looked around desperately for his mom, the pain making it hard to find his bearings. 

Within moments of the sensation starting, he felt arms wrap around his waist and was pulled into the chest of his mother. She was hushing him as she kissed the top of his head repeatedly to try and soothe him through the throbbing. Slowly it dyed down until it completely stopped hurting, his sobs finally ceasing with it and the fear he had felt turned into confusion. He looked down at the arm and knit his eyebrows together when he saw the words faded on it in big letters:

_**You're ugly.** _

"Taehyun why don't we get back home? Daddy will be back soon and I'll draw you a hot bath okay?"

Taehyun, the boy in question, managed a nod as he was picked up and carried across the park and all the way home. The entire time he pressed his face into his mother's shoulder, those words repeating themselves over and over in his head.

So that's why the other kids didn't like him.

He was ugly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Got busy with work and other stuff so I apologize for the wait. Chapters won't usually be this short, but I want you to think of this as a opening to the fic that built off the epilogue. Felt more impactful that way to me at least. 
> 
> Only two more days till the comeback!! I am beyond excited and can't wait to see MC Soobin interviewing his babies next Music Bank!
> 
> Okay so WARNING: There is mentions (maybe more of implications) of child/domestic/sexual abuse and use of offensive words in this chapter so read carefully! Will update the tags as well.   
> And btw I'm not going to get super graphic with the child abuse in this fic. I only plan on implying it and what you see of it in this chapter is as graphic as its gonna get.
> 
> Lol sorry Ericka if this is much darker than you anticipated but I couldn't help it XD

Taehyun pulled over a long sleeved shirt, the feeling of the soft fabric soothing against his skin that was littered with goosebumps from the chill in his bedroom. He fixed his dyed blonde hair that had been messed up from the shirt and then looked at himself in the mirror. 

He scowled at the image he saw, noting his unattractive facial features that made him look like a foreigner. His wide round eyes, pointed nose, tanned skin, and big lips. 

He had always hated the way he looked since he was a little kid, because how could you love your body when others hated you for it. The only good thing he even acknowledged was how fit and in shape he was from the many years of working out. 

Growing up had been mostly unhappy for him. His life was a total train wreck with a few sprinkles of miracles here and there. Those miracles being the four friends he managed to snag along the way during his later years of middle school. How he even had friends to begin with was beyond him, because not too long ago he figured he'd be alone for the rest of his life whether it was his choice or not. 

And while him having friends confused the hell out of him, he was still going to cherish them for even giving him the time of day. He loved each one of his friends to death and would do anything for them if it meant they would be happy and ignorant to the cruelties of life. He at least owed them his undying affections for seeing something worth befriending in himself.

The first boy he had grown close to was Choi Beomgyu when he transferred in their second year of secondary school. He walked into that classroom with the brightest smile and messiest mop of brown hair, Daegu accent thicker than the stiff air around the students and personality as shining as the sun. His brown eyes immediately found Taehyun's and he figured the rest was history. Normally any new additions to the school had no interest in so much as acknowledging Taehyun's existence because the others were quick to let their adversity towards him be known, a silent warning that anyone who talked to him was a loser and a potential ghost or target for bullies. However, Beomgyu didn't seem to give two shits about that as he shoved his way into Taehyun's space and heart from the first day onward.

To say he was shocked and so very confused would be a understatement, because never in his entire life had he made a friend, but after the initial doubts he found it impossible to deny the friendly soul a spot next to him. And so they became inseparable. 

Judging eyes followed Beomgyu everywhere but the older didn't pay much attention to them at all. He followed Taehyun around almost like a puppy, and his cold heart warmed at the comforting company. He had been content in never having another friend as long as he had Beomgyu by his side for however long he had him.

The world decided to give him some sudden blessings after that.

In the first year of high school, Beomgyu had introduced Choi Yeonjun to their duo friendship along with his boyfriend Choi Soobin. Yeonjun was at first a cool senior that he felt was way too smooth for them two, but he quickly found out that he actually was a cheesy pun-dropping guy who acted younger than the rest of their group. Soobin, he determined within 30 minutes of knowing him, was one of the warmest souls he had ever witnessed. He was kind and quiet, looking at everyone around him like they were oh so precious in his eyes. He grew found of the older male pretty fast and before he knew it, he was wrapped around Soobin's long arms like it was his lifeline and giggling up at him with a toothy smile.

Not much later did he meet Soobin's younger step-brother Huening Kai, who was definitely the most energetic person to ever walk this planet. With the first impression he thought him and Kai would never get along, but that was soon proven wrong when they bonded over video games one day at Soobin's house.

When he was at any of his friend's houses, which was pretty much everyday if possible, he was content and happy for once. He was so grateful that he was given some escape from the horrors that awaited him every time he stepped foot in his own home. 

His father had died about two years ago from alcohol poisoning, which was no surprise because of how much he drank over the years. It was a fitting and expected death of a abusive alcoholic. And even though he was gone, the damage he left behind was everlasting.

See, this led to another reason why Taehyun hated his body. It was the words printed on his skin. The damn words.

Taehyun was a part of the dwindling population of people who had a now-rare skin disease called Imprinticitis. This meant that whatever words affected the person in question was seared into their skin like a scar that could never be removed. It stayed their forever, whether that bothered the person or not.

In his entire lifetime he had seen maybe at least five other people with the same disease, and much to his irritation they all were blessed with beautiful words of affection and compliments. It made him feel all the more disgusting, because his skin was full of nothing but ugly comments and vulgar language all thanks to his shitty father and bullies riddled throughout his life.

_You're a piece of shit._

_Why the fuck did I end up with a fag like you for a son._

_You're so ugly it makes me want to barf._

_I bet you're nothing but a cockslut. Fuck off._

No matter how many times he looked at the crap stamped on his body, he could never get rid of the urge to throw up or the feeling of despair that spread through his heart. He was ugly. And he would do anything to not let his only happiness find out just how nasty he was.

He was always careful to not show much skin outside of his bedroom. He always wore long sleeves and jeans, gave doctor's notes to get out of gym so he wouldn't have to change clothes in the locker rooms, never stayed overnight at his friend's homes, and covered himself in makeup just in case. Thankfully no one other than his mother knew about his disease and he'd wanted to keep it that way until he died. 

He knew that it was wrong to hide such a big thing from a group he considered his best friends, that they were wonderful and wouldn't have it in their hearts to judge him, but the fear of rejection was just too much to push down. Because that was just the best thing about Taehyun. No matter how tough he acted, he was just a scared little boy locked away in the dark room that was his mind.

Looking away from the mirror after a few minutes of breathing down the dread that came with opening his door, he picked up his bag and left his room. He tried his best to be as silent as possible, hoping to make it out the front door without alarming his mother who was passed out on the couch in the living room from another night of drinking. 

Unfortunately he wasn't so successful.

One foot out the kitchen and into the living room, his mother stirred awake. She slowly sat up and groggily searched around the room, eyes landing on Taehyun's tiny figure. 

She smiled and opened her arms, beckoning him over without the usage of words. He swallowed down a defeated whimper as he trudged over and slouched down into her embrace, trying not to cringe at the familiar stench of booze she was bathing in.

When his dad died, his mom had been devastated even though she should've been rejoicing. They were finally free from the violence, the crying, the verbal abuse, the constant terror of when he came home trashed, and yet she acted like a good husband and father had been ripped away from them. Before she had never been one to indulge in beer except for once in a blue moon, but now she drank just as bad as his father had. Her job in a office demoted to a job as a waitress at a struggling diner so they were barely hanging on rent wise. Her soft and gentle personality vanished completely and turned into a hard and lazy shell of her old self. She basically turned into the nightmare they had been trapped by, and that wasn't even the beginning of just how much worse things had gotten for him since his dad's death.

He almost wished he had never died in the first place.

As he trembled in her arms, she chuckled wistfully and rubbed her hands up and down his back. The action seemed soothing at first until her hands dipped below his T-shirt and made it ride up just enough for the worst of his scarring words to reveal themselves:

_Be good for mommy. It'll feel good I promise._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been gone focusing on the comeback and streaming for our amazing boys. So glad we were able to secure at least one win so far because it would've been a shame for Blue Hour of all songs to not get one. Beat comeback yet and I love all the stages they've done so far!!! Getting to see Soobin interview his own members was just as chaotic as we predicted XD  
> Whole album is a bop and so damn relatable with their focus being on the pandemic. I love them and if it wasn't for TXT, my quarantine would've sucked major ass so really thank you to them for being their healing selves.
> 
> As for this fic, don't plan on it being too long and I might shift focus here for the next couple days and then get back to my other prompt fic. Just so I can make up for the long wait. Have most chapters planned out so it'll just take some editing before they're done. Hope you all enjoy and I promise Taheyun won't suffer much longer ;^;

"Hyung, why are you taking pictures of me here again?"

A flash went off as a melodic sound of giggles spilled past Beomgyu's lips, Taehyun's sitting figure lighting up in the orange of the sunset around them. The younger was resting against a giant tree, eyes trained down to the pages of the newest book he was reading. Half the time his face was always smushed in a book, so the view wasn't new but still as beautiful as the first time Beomgyu saw it. 

Taehyun was just ethereal. He had big brown eyes, clean cut blonde hair, lips plump and red, skin tan and glowing with no blemishes whatsoever. Even with the usual long sleeved T-shirt and baggy jeans that hid most of his skin from the world, Beomgyu was sure it was just as healthy as the skin always on display. He remembered wondering if Taehyun was even real the first time they met on that chilly October morning a few years ago when Beomgyu had transferred from Daegyu.

His dad had gotten a better job over here in Seoul, which meant more money for his struggling family despite the uprooting of everything they knew for the foreign big city life.

He understood it was a good development for his parents, so while he wasn't exactly thrilled, he saw no reason to complain too much. After all he never had a hard time making new friends, so it couldn't be too bad to leave some old ones behind.

The area they moved to was more than nice, better than their old neighborhood for sure and also a little busier in terms of traffic. It didn't take long for his parents to get him enrolled in his new school, and thankfully he had only missed the first few weeks of the new school year.

As he walked the big new halls, he smiled at every kid he passed. The city kids seemed to have this special air of coolness around them that none of his Daegyu buddies had and it intrigued him. He wondered if making friends here was going to be harder, and it made him feel a little nervous because he was a people person. It was easy for him to feel lonely without someone to hang out with, so he hoped he'd be cool enough for these cool kids.

None of that seemed to matter to him any more as soon as his eyes landed on the foreign looking boy in the back of his new classroom.

Their eyes met and Beomgyu swore he could feel a jolt of electricity shoot through his body. As he stared at him from the front of the room, just finishing his introduction, all he knew was that he had to be in this boy's life no matter what.

A year later would he realize he had fallen in love at first sight.

Taehyun was a generally quiet kid who gave him the weirdest look when Beomgyu so adamantly begged to join him for lunch that first day. The coldness he received only encouraged him further to gain Taehyun's attention and it took a week before they could call themselves friends. He noticed the disgusted glares and wicked sneers of the other students almost right away, it becoming obvious why Taehyun was so closed off at the beginning.

He could never understand why anyone would be so cruel to a boy who had done nothing but exist. Taehyun had a hard shell on the outside, but once you got past it and earned his trust, he was so kind and cute that it hurt. He was overwhelmingly smart, way smarter than Beomgyu could ever dream to be, and the savageness of his humor was addictingly amusing. Beomgyu was a whipped man for Taehyun, and he wouldn't want it any other way.

The first year they shared together was probably the best year of Beomgyu's life. Spending that one year falling in love with everything that was Kang Taehyun, made him look forward to their future years more. 

It wasn't until Soobin, Yeonjun, and Huening Kai made up their little circle of friends that Taehyun looked truly happy. Seeing the unusual small grin turn into a constant giant smile was the greatest joy to Beomgyu's world. He wanted Taehyun to smile like that forever. 

When Beomgyu first got into photography, it was pretty easy to find his favorite subject. The first photo he took with the camera he got on his 16th birthday was Taehyun sitting in the classroom gazing out the window, looking so otherworldly that it'd be a shame not to take a photo to keep safe in his pocket.

Right now, the sides of Taehyun's lips were twitching upwards as he held back a smile at Beomgyu's antics. He couldn't remember a day where Beomgyu didn't snap at least one picture of him, not that he really minded. It was oddly a intimate tradition of theirs, and he somewhat took pride knowing he was the only one that grabbed Beomgyu's eye like this. 

He had long ago accepted that his love for Beomgyu went past just friendship. How could one not fall in love with someone as bright as him? At first he was just thankful that he finally had someone that treated him like another human being and not a nuisance, Beomgyu's presence becoming the ultimate comfort to his horrible life. But it wasn't long that the gratefulness turned into longing.

He wouldn't dare act on it though. He already had set various boundaries between him and his friends because of his circumstances at home, diving into a relationship would only tear those walls apart and destroy their image of him. He didn't want to reveal just how dirty he actually was and he'd do anything to keep it all hidden. Even if that meant pushing down his romantic interest in his best friend to the depths of his heart, even if that meant it hurt like hell. Besides, he didn't even know if Beomgyu returned his feelings or had any interest in guys in the first place. His sexuality was one of the only mysteries about Beomgyu, as the boy was practically a open book about pretty much anything else. He had never showed interest in anyone date wise, never talked about crushes or partners. 

"Because you look prettiest when you're here." 

Taehyun glanced over at him and tried to shake away the urge to swoon at his bestie's sweet words. Pushing down his feelings was also hard just cause of how smooth the older could be sometimes.

Beomgyu brought the camera back up to his face and snapped another photo, lips separated as he concentrated on the shot. His fluffy black hair was swaying along with the wind, making it look perfectly messy and soft. Oh how Taehyun wanted to run his hands through that hair even more than usual at the sight. 

"You're...."

Taehyun pressed his mouth into a thin line before he finished what he was about to say.

_You're even prettier._

Beomgyu lowered the camera just a bit to give him a curious look. His eyes squinted ever so slightly, the brown within them twinkling in the dimming light of the outside world. They stared at each other for what felt like ages. A lump formed in the back of Taehyun's throat when the camera fell into Beomgyu's lap and the older leaned forward, eyes flickering from Taehyun's quivering bottom lip to his scanning gaze.

Before the older could get too close, Taehyun shifted away as he cursed himself for being a coward. He wasn't really positive that Beomgyu had just tried to kiss him, and he would die from embarrassment if his thoughts were just drifting too far. 

He missed the way Beomgyu flinched as if burned.

"I should start heading home hyung. It's getting late." He whispered after a bit of silence. He heard Beomgyu clear his throat from beside him and stand up as he answered, "I'll drive you."

The drive to Taehyun's house was quieter than normal. Usually they'd be jamming out to music or talking about their classes, but all that could be heard was other cars whizzing past them down the long stretch of road. He hated himself for making things awkward like this whether Beomgyu had been trying to kiss him or not. He hated having to have boundaries if it ended up hurting the person that meant the most to him in any way. If only he wasn't so scared of what Beomgyu would think of him if he knew the things that Taehyun had did or had written all over his body. If only...he wasn't so gross.

His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clutching the book in his hands, sweat glistening over his fingers. He was peering out the window, not brave enough to even look Beomgyu's way and see if his friend looked sad or not.

"We're all planning to watch a movie tomorrow night at Soobin-hyung's house if you want to come. Me and Yeonjun are going to stay the night and so should-"

"You know I can't stay overnight hyung."

Not once had Taehyun ever stayed out at night with any of his friends. It was one of the many boundaries he had regarding his life after school. And even though Beomgyu was his best friend, he was no exception to not knowing what Taehyun even looked like when they weren't in a public space during daylight hours. He wished he could hang out with them all like they obviously wanted to, but he didn't want to think what would happen if he didn't go home for a day. Or the possibilities of something happening to reveal all his dark secrets while he was sleeping over.

Beomgyu sighed and continued, "I know you can't, was worth the try though. You should at least watch the movie with us, and then I can bring you home when it's done. We can even watch it early if that makes things easier for you."

Taehyun tugged his top lip with his teeth as he thought it over. If it was early, it wouldn't be too much a problem and like Beomgyu said he could take him home straight after. Just this once maybe he could enjoy some personal time with his friends even if it was just for a little bit.

"....Okay."

He turned his head and smiled when he saw Beomgyu lighting up with happiness at him agreeing to go tomorrow. It made him feel a little less worried about the fears he had over the upcoming day and a little more excited for whats to come.

Unfortunately Taehyun's bit of contentment lasted only till he stepped through the door of his small house, the stench of alcohol attacking his nose. A familiar scene of his mother passed out on the couch with beer bottles littered around her welcomed him along with slight relief that she was out cold. Maybe tonight he could go to sleep peacefully and without any interactions with her.

He trudged up to his room, the only clean place in the whole pile of outdated bricks that was his home. He locked the door behind him as he threw his backpack onto the floor and collapsed onto his cozy bed. His muscles ached from exhaustion and were yelling at him to get into some comfortable pajamas and go to sleep. He admitted defeat and listened to them as he rolled onto his back, willing himself to stand back up to change his clothes.

The mirror in one of the corners in his room mocked him as he stripped off his shirt and grimaced at taunting words gracing his skin. By now he learned to not stare at them for too long, no longer too bothered by what they said as he'd been all his miserable time alive enough. 

After he was fully into his PJ's, he crawled under his covers and let out a deep breath that he always held in during the day. The only light left in his room was the tiny amount of orange left in the sky as it shone through his blinds, dots of stars barely visible in the approaching dark blue that came after the sun was gone. 

He closed his eyes and fluttered between being awake and fully submitting to his need for sleep, an hour passing by before he knew it. It was rare to get such a peaceful night as this one, so much so that it was almost unsettling. 

And just as he thought that, the creaking of stairs had him jolting awake in panic. He sat up instantly at the sound and stared wide-eyed at his bedroom door, the fear of knowing what was coming bubbling up to the surface. Soft steps made their way to his room and only stopped when they got right in front of it. The rapping of knocks followed after and his mother's voice cooed, "Tae I need to see you. Can I come in?"

He should've known that like usual, before sleep came his mother's daily plea.

A plea for the intimacy her husband could no longer give her.

Intimacy that Taehyun had to give now instead.

Intimacy he had to give since he was 13 years old.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point the chapters are just short. Like I said this won't be a long chaptered fic, but I like having everything divided up into separate chapters. I'm trying to make it short, though still packing quite the punch. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well and I always love hearing y'alls comments. Stay healthy and I'll see you in the next chapter which should be out this weekend.

_"Hyung..."_

_Taehyun tried his hardest to not let the sadness seep into his voice as he whispered into the phone. After his mother had crept back down stairs, for the first time did he call Beomgyu to seek some comfort. He had never talked to Beomgyu this late at night, even the ones when he desperately craved the older's presence to help ease the pain. But something about today was different. His self control had broken this one time._

_It didn't take many rings for the other to answer. He wondered if he had woken him up or if Beomgyu had already been awake. Guilt at the first possibility ached hard in his chest, hoping that he wasn't being a burden._

_"What's wrong Taehyun? Are you okay?" The older said over the line. Taehyun could hear the desperation and worry in his unstable voice._

_"I....I'm okay. I just, I wanted to hear your voice. Having trouble sleeping." He went with. Might as well bullshit his way through it. He wouldn't be surprised if Beomgyu could tell he was lying though, because they both knew each other like the back of their hands. Surely Beomgyu would know something was wrong if Taehyun was calling him in the middle of the night for the first time in their entire friendship._

_"Sorry...I hope I didn't wake you up. I'll go if you want to go back to sle-"_

_"I wasn't sleeping so its fine, don't apologize. I'm glad you called me Hyunnie..." Beomgyu said softly. Taehyun's eyebrows raised at the last part._

_"You are?" He asked after containing the slight giddiness that the older was happy he called._

_Beomgyu breathed out a contented sigh before replying with, "I am. I'm always here for you when you need me, you know that right?"_

_Tears pricked at the edges of Taehyun's eyes. He wanted to tell Beomgyu the truth, he wanted to tell Beomgyu everything that was hurting him and be told that it was going to be okay. He wanted to tell him how much he loved and cherished his very existence, how without Beomgyu he would've....he wouldn't even be here still surviving his neverending nightmare._

_But he couldn't. And that's what hurt him even more._

_"I know. Believe me...I know." He said whistfully._

_He nuzzled his head into his pillow as they talked a little more before they agreed to hang up and get some rest. Talking to Beomgyu had proved to be a nice distraction from what had just transpired in his bedroom, calmness replacing the previous disgust he felt. It almost sent him back into a peaceful slumber devoid of any sorrow._

_Things were never that easy for him. Within minutes without the older's company, Taehyun was back to wincing at the memory of his mother's touches and lust. He felt so unclean and nasty that he questioned taking a shower, but he knew if he actually took one then he'd be in there for hours scrubbing his skin raw like he always did. He would have to stare at the words he tried to avoid at all costs, and he didn't think he had the mental stability for that tonight._

_Though honestly, when did he ever._

_Instead he would just cry until his body grew too exhausted to stay conscious._

Beomgyu rolled his eyes as the ending credits played once the movie finally ended, not that anyone but him and Taehyun were paying attention to anything other than the screen in front of them. Huening Kai was too busy playing a video game on his phone and the two lovebirds had left ages ago in a not so subtle way to makeout somewhere in the house. 

He looked beside him at his blonde best friend, who he caught already looking his way. His eyes twinkled with a unknown emotion as he swiftly turned away, a soft blush reddening his otherwise tan cheeks. 

It was a unspoken back-and-forth thing between the two of them at this point. The fleeting glances, the awkward tension, the urge to touch each other in any way possible. Beomgyu had always been ready to succumb to his blooming feelings, but it seemed the opposite for Taehyun who was always the one to never allow that boundary to be crossed. He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt when the other pushed away, but Taehyun's comfort was still his utmost priority no matter what. 

Last night had made him more confused than ever before about the big mystery to what Taehyun was like outside of daylight hours and more troubled of his obvious pain he always tried to hide.

Taehyun had never called him after dark before. He rarely called Beomgyu to begin with, and to do it just because he apparently couldn't sleep well out of the blue really made his alarm bells ring. He never did understand why Taehyun never stayed out late, never slept over at one of their houses or invite them to his own even if just to hang out. The single time Beomgyu had suggested he stop by Taehyun's home, the other refused adamantly. He never talked about his home life or about his parents either, nor about his past in general. 

Taehyun was just one huge mystery to him and their other friends. At first he thought that maybe with time the younger would open up, that he was just keeping his guard up because of the bullying and loneliness he had endured for so long, but it became clear it wasn't quite that when years had passed. It was frustrating sometimes but he didn't want to scare Taehyun or pressure him out of his comfort zone, so he kept his frustrations and anxieties to himself. And he planned on doing so until the younger told him of his own free will, whenever he was ready. 

"I guess I should take Taehyun home now. Tell those two dumbasses that I'll be back soon." Beomgyu said as him and the aforementioned stood up from the floor. Taehyun chuckled and went to put his shoes on by the front door. Kai rolled his eyes and without looking up answered, 

"If they even get done before you get back. You know they're making up for the time they'll lose tonight, which means they'll be sucking faces forever."

Unlike the day before, the drive to Taehyun's house was normal. They talked about the movie they just watched, what the four boys planned to do for the rest of the day after Beomgyu went back, and chatted about other trivial things. 

Beomgyu bit back the temptation to bring up the call and unravel what had been bothering the younger enough to make it happen. He didn't want to ruin the happy mood they had set between themselves at the moment, knowing bringing it up would only cause the tension to rise. 

Once they arrived, Beomgyu parked the car in Taehyun's driveway. His eyes scanned the small house, taking in the familiar outside details of it. How he wished he could know what it looked like on the inside, what Taehyun's room looked like too. He wished he knew what Taehyun looked like shuffling around the kitchen in his pajamas early in the morning, bed hair and all. He imagined he would look even more adorable than he already was with his face puffy and eyes red from sleep. He wished that he knew what Taehyun would look like cuddled up in his bed, what position he slept in, whether he was a deep or light sleeper, and whether he liked to snuggle or have his space when sharing the bed with someone else. He wished to know everything about the person he loved the most, and it ate him up inside to have a big chunk of what that person was like behind closed doors missing. 

"Thank you for inviting me Beomgyu-hyung. I had a lot of fun hanging out with you guys today."

Beomgyu plastered on a smile despite the turmoil raging inside him at Taehyun's words, "I had a lot of fun too. You should join us more often..."

Taehyun grunted and focused his eyes down at the floor sadly and quipped, "Don't get used to it."

Beomgyu scowled and failed to hold back a disgruntled sigh. Of course he shouldn't get used to it, because Taehyun's strange boundaries wouldn't let him.

In the end, his resolve to not say anything about said strange boundaries completely fell apart as he turned to face the younger quickly and said, "Why, why can't I get used to it Hyunnie!? Why do always have to be home so soon every day? Do your parents have rules? Are they making you not spend time outside of school with us? Are-"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU!''

Beomgyu flinched at Taehyun's outburst and his eyes widened as he realized the younger was suddenly crying. Tears were cascading down his face while he whimpered, body shaking and hands clenching. Panic was the overwhelming emotion that took over Beomgyu as he stared in horror at being the cause of Taehyun crying for the first time in front of him. 

He sucked in a deep breath and leaned over to take Taehyun's trembling figure into his arms in a attempt to offer consolation. The younger easily melted into his touch as he pressed his face into Beomgyu's chest and wept, tears creating a wet spot on his T-shirt. 

Now more than ever did he know.

He _needed_ to find out what was behind that white tattered door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is almost over....I'm sad. Just about two more chapters and it'll be finished.   
> Get ready for the feels, and for Taehyun to finally be given a break from all the pain I've caused him.
> 
> Enjoy!!

_"Can we eat lunch together?"_

_Taehyun stared wide-eyed at the transfer kid in front of him._

**_Is he talking to me? No way. Why would he want to have lunch with me?_ **

_Much to his confusion the boy kept looking right at him, standing in front of his desk with a expectant look on his face. Taehyun could feel the glares and questioning eyes of the other students who were probably just as confused that someone was talking to the famed biggest loser and outcast of the school._

_"Uh...so can I or-?"_

_"Beomgyu-ah! You should eat lunch with us instead! At least we'll actually talk to you." A girl sitting on the opposite side of the room shouted, followed by the snickers and chuckles of her friends. Beomgyu didn't even look her way, instead taking a seat at the empty desk in front of Taehyun's._

_Taehyun raised an eyebrow and huffed. Was this boy serious? Was this supposed to be a joke or something him and the others planned beforehand? Or maybe he was just a tad bit friendlier trying to be nice to the town freak._

_"What's your name by the way?"_

_Taehyun ignored him, focusing on the book he had been reading for the past week. He wasn't going to entertain whatever the hell was happening. Even a little reaction to someone showing interest in him for something besides bullying for the first time would just create another rumor to be tossed around the school._

_"I'm not going anywhere until you till me your name" Beomgyu singsonged._

_Taehyun rolled his eyes and glanced up briefly. Maybe if he told this weirdo his name, he would leave him alone. If he didn't tell him then he assumed someone else would eventually given how much of a hot topic he was._

_With hesitance, he lowered his book and said lacking any emotion, "Kang Taehyun. Happy now? Please leave me alone."_

_Beomgyu repeated his name under his breath and then smiled warmly. Despite what he had said before, he made no move to leave and instead continued to stay where he was. The whispers of the other students grew louder and louder until it sounded like screaming in Taehyun's ears. He swallowed down the lump forming in his throat at all the attention on them. Usually around lunch he could get some peace and quiet from all the others constant teasing, and it not happening this time made him feel overwhelmed._

_"I though you said you'd leave if I told you my na-"_

_"I changed my mind Taehyun-ah."_

_For the rest of that day, Beomgyu followed Taehyun around the school. He definitely seemed to have patience for his questions and attempts at conversating being ignored. Taehyun was sure that after at least lunch the strange boy would give up and move on in favor of more fun people, but it didn't seem he would any time soon._

_He went home dazed and exhausted, wondering if Beomgyu would do the same tomorrow or join in on the obvious hate the students held for him. Usually everyone judged him based on secondhand experiences or straight up lies made up about him, but now someone had a actual basis to judge him on. There was no way in any universe that he hadn't pissed the other off, because any normal person would be angry at being ignored all through the day._

_Luckily for him, Beomgyu wasn't a normal person by any means. Or maybe he was just a masochist._

_The following week was filled with Beomgyu being attached to him by the hip, and by the end of it, Taehyun was surprised to find that he had accquired his first friend in his entire life._

_A week turned into a couple months before he knew it. The bullies had long since stopped trying to get Beomgyu to see the error of his ways thinking someone like Taehyun was worthy of friendship and started to target him as well. It broke Taehyun's heart whenever he heard someone talking shit about Beomgyu, who he had come to care for more than he thought was possible. Sometimes he tried to convince Beomgyu to drop him as a friend so he could enjoy his school life to the fullest and avoid the bullying, but the shaggy haired angel insisted that Taehyun was too important to him to just drop because of a few nasty middle school kids._

_He had never been so grateful for someone. In such a short amount of time, Beomgyu had become his beckon of hope and love._

_God how he loved Beomgyu with all his heart._

_"Beomgyu-hyung, can I ask you a question?" Taehyun asked one cold December day. It was during their freshman year, only a little bit after they had welcomed Yeonjun, Soobin, and Huening Kai into their little circle of special friends. It was the beginning of when Taehyun was finally feeling happier about his life at school._

_Beomgyu paused the ipod they were listening to music on, and nodded with a curious glint in his eyes._

_Taehyun looked out the window, because Beomgyu looked too soft and warm for his sanity. He wanted to ask his question without any stuttering, something he found himself doing a lot lately in front of his best friend for some reason._

_"Why were you so determined to be my friend that first day? I just don't understand, I was so rude to you. Obviously I'm glad you were because you're like, the best thing that ever happened to me, but I've always wondered...why?"_

_He licked his lips nervously. Rarely did he initiate anything sentimental between the two of them, but that one question had bothered him for way too long and he could no longer resist finding the answer to it._

_He could feel Beomgyu's hand place itself on his shoulder, squeezing it as he clearly tried to get Taehyun to face him.Taehyun sighed and turned back to face him, cheeks rozy and heart thrumming in his chest._

_"Because, you were too pretty to ignore."_

_Taehyun's mouth fell open at those words._

_That was the first time someone had called him pretty, the opposite of ugly or hideous._

_Beomgyu smirked and shoved Taehyun playfully, not knowing just how much those words impacted the tanned boy next to him._

_The bell rang in perfect timing as Beomgyu stood up and skipped back to his assigned seat with a departing giggle._

_Taehyun felt the familiar burning sensation on his left hip, flinching only slightly because he was still in shock of what had just happened. He didn't even really register that new words had imprinted on him till late that night as he slowly pulled down his jeans to reveal them. He thumbed over the sentence with tears in his eyes. The one time he didn't look at himself in disgust._

_That same night is when he realized he was in love with Beomgyu, his best friend. The giddiness he felt at the realization was only fleeting, because sadness replaced it as he had another realization._

_He had fallen in love with his best friend, someone he couldn't have no matter how much he wanted him._

_He cried himself asleep, a rather normal occurence, but it was filled with so much more pain._

_The next day, he ran his fingers over the sentence again. They were the first kind words to stain his body, and yet they were the worst ones as he held back the tears threatening to form behind his lashes._

_He made up his mind before he had succumbed to sleep, grabbing his favorite skin-colored makeup to cover them up. He'd rather look at the other mean spirited comments than the complimenting one Beomgyu had spoken. Because at least those didn't remind him of who would never love him the way he desperately wanted._

_These words he'd keep hidden forever, just like his feelings._

Beomgyu tossed and turned all night long, having trouble getting any sleep thanks to what had happened earlier that afternoon and Yeonjun's loud ass snoring. 

He was beyond worried for Taehyun and why he had burst into tears so suddenly. It was very clear to him now more than ever that something was causing Taehyun a lot of pain. Just what that was, he didn't have a clue.

Many times had he wondered why Taehyun rarely ever stayed over at anyone's house or why he didn't seem to do anything at all after school hours. From what Beomgyu understood and had seen, Taehyun was either at school or at home and never anywhere else. 

He thought about anything he could think of on why that was. His parents being super strict. Him having to be home to take care of something. Him just being the ultimate introvert. 

Once he started trying to figure out what was going on with his friend, his thoughts spiraled into dark territory.

He began to go ever odd detail he could think about Taehyun. How he had been bullied for no reason he knew of, how he never showed much skin and wore the same clothes to hide it, how he never changed in the locker rooms and always had a doctor's note to prevent him from anticipating in sports. 

Dread settled in the pit of his stomach as he connected all the dots.

How the fuck had he never seen it before!?

He flung himself off the bed in urgency, rushing to get his shoes on, grabbing his keys, and running out the door. He hopped into his car and just drove, cursing in anger at his tardiness in realizing what could be the potential answer to all his questions and worries. 

It was like all the past instances of Taehyun showing signs were flashing through his head in a blur. Deep down he wished that he was wrong. Wished that he was just overreacting or being crazy. 

Wished that Taehyun was just a extreme homebody and not a abuse victim. 

It was only 4 in the morning, and Beomgyu honestly didn't care if he looked like a crazy person showing up at someone's house so early. He just knew he wouldnt be able to settle down until he knew for certain that Taehyun was safe.

Taehyun stared at the ceiling above him, his chest aching and body faint as he listened to his mother snoring a couple rooms down as she slept for once in her actual bed.

Sweat trickled down his hot skin, making him feel as disgusting as he always felt after his nightly routine. The sheets clung to his upper body from the stickiness, a very uncomfortable fabric practically stuck to him. He groaned and swung his legs over the side of his bed, grabbing his T-Shirt and throwing it back on. It was way too hot in the house to be wearing long sleeved anything or something other than shorts, so he was sporting a very unusual outfit tonight. 

The urge to take a shower was way too great this time, so he gave in and stumbled his way to the bathroom across the hall. Once inside he glanced at his reflection in the mirror and grimaced at the purple blotches littering his neck. Just another thing to try and scrub away raw in the shower.

He was about to undress when he was startled by the rapid knocking on the front door. 

He narrowed his eyes, confused on why someone was at his house so damn early in the morning. 

Any other night he would've either ignored it or called the cops for safety, but in his sleepy and vulnerable state he didn't question his decision to open the door and see who it was like an idiot.

Surely it wasn't a robber if they were politely knocking. Or maybe it could be, he just couldn't find it in himself to care. If they murdered him, then so be it. 

He trudged his way to the door, the whole while the knocking giving him a headache from how loud it was. 

He placed a hand on his hip and swung open the door.

The world froze around him as he gaped at the person standing outside on his front porch.

Beomgyu.

And then the frozen world around him fell apart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is depressing :(
> 
> Next one is the long ass epilogue/last chapter of this fic that'll wrap everything up in a time jump. I'm really sad its ending though and so much fun writing it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter even if it's not necessarily a happy one.
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of Sexual Abuse

_*FLASH*_

_Taehyun blinked repeatedly as his eyes adjusted to the random bright flash that had assaulted him. Beomgyu was holding a camera, the one he had just gotten for his birthday from his parents after expressing his growing interest in photography._

_"What are you doing?" He asked in his signature monotone voice. Beomgyu just laughed and showed Taehyun the picture he had just taken of him. It was just of him sitting at his desk reading a book like he did everyday. Nothing special._

_"That is my first picture ever. You should be honored as my chosen first subject." The older said proudly with a wide smirk._

_Taehyun rolled his eyes and couldn't help a small smiled playing at his lips. It was okay to really be honored right? The boy he loved was using him as the first thing involved his newfound passion, definitely something to be proud of._

_"Out of everything you could've chosen, you had to choose me? Why not something more interesting?" He teased, trying not to let the slight insecurity slip through._

_Beomgyu didn't answer immediately. Instead, he snapped another photo and only let a small chuckle out this time._

_"You're very interesting to me Hyunnie. More interesting than you could possibly know."_

Taehyun couldn't even think straight enough to panic as him and Beomgyu stared at each other in silent shock. One by one, realizations of how he appeared to his best friend flooded his head.

He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, making his Imprinticitis on full display. There were many hickeys on his neck. He smelled sweaty and just plain disgusting. 

Without being fully aware, his eyes filled with tears and his head began to shake slowly from side to side as though his body was crashing before his mind could catch up. 

Beomgyu broke out of the spell first, hands reaching up to cradle Taehyun's face gently. His bottom lip quivered as he sucked in a shaky breath. That's all it took for Taehyun to finally break.

The tears fell freely and his legs gave out, knees hitting the floor with a soft thud followed by the first of many sobs to escape his wobbly lips. Beomgyu fell with him, hands never letting go of his cheeks and fingers becoming soaked from the tears. Another beat and he was enveloping the younger's body in his arms. 

Taehyun felt so small and fragile in his hold as his body shook and spasmed in time with his intense crying. Beomgyu couldn't hold his own tears back watching the love of his life in so much pain, wondering what the younger had done to deserve the cruelty that caused it. 

An hour passed before Taehyun's sobs turned into whimpers and his eyes dried. Neither one had said a single word the whole time, the quiet between them a form of slight comfort and opportunity for Taehyun to let it all out.

Beomgyu spoke first, "Hyunnie....please, let me in. Let me help you.....please."

Taehyun closed his eyes, trying his hardest to not cry again. He knew he couldn't lock Beomgyu out anymore. The older had seen too much to chance even a small lie to hide his true life. He desperately didn't want to tell anyone for as long as he lived about the many ugly things about him, but the world wasn't that kind. 

His hands clenched and unclenched, fingernails leaving marks in his palms from the strength of his grip. He was scared out of his mind. Everything was about to change, and he didn't like that. He didn't want that. 

He didn't want Beomgyu to see just how hideous and broken he was.

Beomgyu nuzzled his chin on top of Taehyun's head, the younger's soft and damp hair tickling it. He was trying to forget about the mess of words covering Taehyun's arms and legs, trying to forget the blotches of purple on his slender neck. Even if just for a second so he could focus on Taehyun's explanation for what the hell was going on.

"Hyung...I-I'm so scared what y-you'll think of me if...if I tell you." Taehyun croaked. 

Beomgyu shook his head and tightened his hold on Taehyun, "Don't be. I told you that you could tell me anything remember? I'll never ever think any different of you no matter what. I promise. Please, believe me."

"I....I believe you."

Beomgyu smiled and waited for Taehyun to explain, giving him as much time as he needed to prepare. They agreed to move up to the younger's bedroom to get out of the chilly darkness blanketing them. It was a slow trek to Taehyun's room, Beomgyu observing the inside of his house as it had been the first time ever being pass the creaky white door. The whole downstairs smelled strongly of booze and trash, making him crinkle his nose. Beer bottles and random crap covered the floor, especially in what seemed to be the living room.

Taehyun's bedroom smelled homey and was decorated just as Beomgyu expected, bringing a affectionate smile back to his face. It almost looked like a library there were so many books, a desk in the corner with all the boy's homework spread out that displayed his love for studying. His bed sheets were oddly messy and his pillow was alarmingly damp with what he hoped was just sweat. After all, it was pretty stuffy in the whole house.

Taehyun plopped down onto his bed, arms hugging his body and knees drawn up into his chest defensively. He was staring at the floor, his brown orbs still shining from the tears he shed previously. He looked painfully small and like he would break if Beomgyu so much as poked him. It was a new look for the blonde, one the older hated. 

Beomgyu sat down next to him, making sure to give him his own space. He thought he might have to talk first, Taehyun eventually beat him to it.

"Aren't you going to ask about what's on my body?"

Beomgyu chanced a quick glance, eyes soaking in the many black letters imprinted on the younger's skin. He bit down a burning rage as he read what they said. Insults, slurs, cruel comments about how he looked. It was sickening what was written on his skin. Beomgyu knew what this was. He had heard of the rare trait before and knew what it did, Imprinticitis. They had learned about it in their first year of health class. 

It now made complete sense why Taehyun always wore clothes that hid most of his body, why he never wanted to change in front of other people or have sleepovers. 

And yet there was still something that felt off, a inkling that something else was the reason for it.

"I don't need to explain what it is, you already know." Taehyun stated matter of factly. 

Beomgyu slowly nodded. 

"I...there's so many nasty things written on me Beomgyu-hyung. I look at myself in the mirror every day and, and I hate myself just a little more each time because no matter what these words will remind me of....of how ugly I am."

The older furrowed his brow and shifted, the boy's closer than before suddenly. He reached up and cupped Taehyun's face like before, making sure to stare directly into his eyes as he pressed, "Hyunnie you're not ugly. You're...you're beautiful."

Taehyun sucked in a surprised breath, feeling the words on his hip tingle. 

"What can I do to make you realize how amazing you are? All these words on your body don't mean shit, because they obviously came from people who don't actually know you like I do. Or like Soobin, Yeonjun, and Kai do."

Taehyun shot up off the bed, startling Beomgyu and making him jump. The blonde's nostrils flared and his eyes filled with anger. He pounded his fist into his chest as he shouted, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

"Hyunn-"

"No! You don't know me! Because if you did...if you knew how tainted and revolting I was then you'd never want to see me again!"

Beomgyu's mouth hung open as he too stood up. _Tainted? Revolting?_

"Just because you have Imprinticitis doesn't mean you're-"

Taehyun scoffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "This isn't about the Imprinticitis anymore. That's just the beginning of what makes me broken. You see these hickeys on my neck don't you? Don't you wonder where they came from, who gave them to me?"

Beomgyu gulped down the rising anxiety and desperation, knowing that if he made the wrong move or said the wrong thing it could make Taehyun shut down and no longer want to open up. The younger already seemed to be getting angrier and angrier, rage that Beomgyu had a feeling the Taehyun had been holding in for a long time.

"After...after my dad died to his drinking problems, my mother she was lonely. She missed him, but she had me still so...she sometimes uses me as a r-replacement...."

Beomgyu felt like he was going to be ill as the information sunk in, and even though Taehyun hadn't explicitly said how she used him, he didn't need to for Beomgyu to realize what he meant. His heart broke into pieces as a look of horror graced his face. He could almost taste the bile of throw up threatening to come up. Taehyun had folded into himself again on the bed as he sobbed violently. 

It took a minute before Beomgyu came back to his senses and crushed Taehyun's curled up figure into his arms and cried into his now completely dry hair. 

That night Beomgyu had forced Taehyun to come home with him. He informed his own parents of the younger's situation and with a bit of convincing Taehyun to seek help, they called the police to report the sexual abuse. Taehyun had wept all night about how terrible of a son he was, how he had betrayed his mother, how it wasn't her fault that she turned out this way but his dead fathers. 

He didn't leave Beomgyu's house for days, the other three friends paying them several visits to check up on him. He would barely speak or sleep. Nightmares were frequent and many times Beomgyu had to abandon sleep too, comforting Taehyun being his first priority. It was going to be a long process of getting Taehyun's mom convicted for what she had done. He would have to testify against her, something he had to majorly prepare for and something that would test his mental state constantly. 

Each night, when Taehyun would finally fall asleep, Beomgyu would run his fingers over the many degrading words, confused and pissed that anyone could say such evil things to someone so precious and kind, to Kang Taehyun. 

He had remained strong for his best friend throughout it all, and it wasn't till he saw the sentence on the younger's lower back on one particular night that he cracked. He had hugged Taehyun extra tight, and he vaguely remembered a hand carding through his hair softly as he completely broke down.

_"You're not tainted Taehyun. And if you're broken, let me help piece you back together again."_

_"Why would you?"_

_"Because I love you Hyunnie. I love you more than you could possibly know."_


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nooooo it's over ;^;
> 
> Damn I had too much fun writing this and I'm sad to be done with it honestly. It was a whole journey of pain and tears but it ends with happiness and love. I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I loved writing it. Thank you Ericka for giving me this prompt and trusting in my writing to bring this story to life. I hope I did it justice for you!
> 
> Happy holidays guys! I'm gonna try and get a Christmas Yeonbin fic out as a gift for you guys and I'll be back to focusing on my Yeonbin prompt fic afterwards as well. Love you guys and enjoy this Epilogue!!!

***FIVE YEARS LATER***

Taehyun snuggled closer to Beomgyu's limp body, the older's breathing giving him a form of comfort. It was still a little light outside as he could see through the slight opening in the blinds, but just barely. He guessed that within another thirty minutes, the world would be completely black with only the stars and moon in the sky illuminating the night. It had been another long day at his classes and he was exhausted. His friend seemed to be sharing the suffering of exhaustion as they had only been laying down for a couple minutes and he was already out cold. 

Him and Beomgyu had started renting this apartment together not too long ago, just finishing moving all their stuff in a day ago. The apartment still looked a mess with boxes everywhere and the furniture placed in random spots until they stopped being too lazy to care. The only room completely done was their shared bedroom. At first they juggled the decision on whether they should find one with two bedrooms, but Taehyun no longer felt like he could sleep alone so they agreed to share just one. Having Beomgyu right next to him made him feel safe from his nightmares and memories of his past nighttime's.

It had been a long and painful road to get to where he was right now, years of therapy and tears until he felt even a little content with his life and with himself. His mother had been arrested and was now spending the rest of her life in jail for child abuse, becoming nothing more than a painful memory for both the abuse and the loss of his only parental figure. He figured than no matter how much time passed, he would always love her despite what she did to him. Maybe it was because he knew the kind and caring mother from before his father died or maybe it was because he was screwed up in the head, he didn't think that was something he'd ever figure out. With everything that was going on, it all came down to the simple fact that without his friends there beside him, he probably wouldn't have survived all the heartache and hurdles ahead of him. Not only Beomgyu, but his other three friends helped his resolve and fighting spirit to aim for a happy future stay strong. He would be eternally grateful for their presence and support.

He decided once they graduated that he would be going to same college as Beomgyu, where the older could pursue his photography career and where Taehyun could pursue his newfound love for writing music. 

Now, he never even imagined that in any lifetime he'd be dreaming of becoming a songwriter until about the time he was near the end of his senior year at high school. He had been seeing a therapist much thanks to Beomgyu begging him to seek out professional help with his trauma, and one of the first things they had suggested was getting his feelings out in the form of something artistic. With all the options laid out before him, he dabbled with writing lyrics and from there it was history. What was at first just a trial of this one advice became something he actively enjoyed doing without prompt. He had always loved literature and writing in general, so it wasn't quite the far stretch that he could ever find enjoyment in something like music. It was just that he never really tried it out before. And soon he also started to take vocal lessons, finding that he also had a hidden talent in singing. At first he questioned whether this was the right path for him or if it was a practical career, but Beomgyu had convinced him to just do it because it was a dream he wanted to achieve much like his love for photography.

The past couple years in college had been some of his best he ever had, because the whole time he shared his experiences with Beomgyu. He found his love for his best friend growing impossibly stronger with each day that passed, and rather than run away from it like he had done before he simply welcomed it wholeheartedly. Beomgyu had confessed his mutual feelings that night everything had come crumbling down, and his sweet words had never gone forgotten in Taehyun's heart. They both agreed that Taehyun needed time to be himself before they were together romantically, so they became okay with just longing glances and soft touches between each other. There were still times Taehyun almost caved because of frustration and doubts that Beomgyu wanted to be with him like that at all, but in the end he always mellowed out with promises that they'd become more than friends eventually from the other. Beomgyu would bat his eyelashes and cup his face with nothing but affection in his eyes and sweeping thumb, asking Taehyun to wait a little longer and be patient.

It worked every time, because he was a sucker for Choi Beomgyu.

He raised his head to rest it on Beomgyu's rising and falling chest, hearing the boy's heartbeat pressed against his ear. It wasn't a really comfortable position for him, but he didn't care. Hearing his heartbeat was like a reminder that Beomgyu was still there and that he wasn't planning on disappearing anytime soon. Sometimes he would have the overwhelming fear that he'd wake up alone one day, that Beomgyu wouldn't be there laying next to him with the most weird sleeping pose ever and unbelievable beauty to go along with it. It was a irrational fear, because he knew down to his very soul that Beomgyu would never ever leave him. He had proven himself since the first day they met that he was there to stay forever. 

Taehyun closed his eyes and exhaled softly, sleep only a second away as he fell in time to Beomgyu's small snores.

"What in the world-"

Taehyun looked up from kitchen table, as he'd been previously staring at all the food he had prepared and making sure it all looked perfect. Tonight he had planned a special present for Beomgyu and wanted the night to be an amazing presentation for it. So he had prepared a feast for dinner and organized everything to do with the actual present down to the very last detail. 

One of his last assignments for his songwriting class was to write a song about something extremely special to you and he would get extra points if he performed it on camera himself. It didn't take much time for him to choose a subject, because Beomgyu was without question the most important thing in his life and very special to him. At first he had never considered actually performing it to the subject of his basic love song, but once he was actually finished with the whole song he realized this would be the perfect way to show he was ready to be with Beomgyu the way he'd wanted them to be for nine years. So he recorded his song on his new video camera, uploaded it to his laptop, and set it up in their in-progress study room. There was no way in hell he'd perform it live or witness Beomgyu watching it for the first time, that was way too humiliating and scary, the older would be shut in there and then Taehyun would get his reaction after.

If only he was just a little more brave.

"You're home early." Taehyun squeaked. He cringed at himself inwardly. 

Beomgyu raised an eyebrow and then let out a breathy chuckle, setting his bags down on the floor next to the shoe rack and slipping off his shoes as well. Taehyun stood up from his chair and let his hands grip onto the edges of the table from rising nerves. He'd expected to be nervous when the time came to actually go through with his plans, but he underestimated just how much he would feel like exploding on the spot. 

"Only ten minutes early but," Beomgyu let his eyes sweep down at all the food, "what's important is you telling me what this is all about."

Taehyun licked his lips shyly and teetered back onto his heels as he weakly sassed back, "What? I'm not allowed to make you dinner like the good best friend I am?"

They both smiled playfully at each other, Taehyun's nerves lessening just a bit. 

Dinner went by smoothly. They talked about their respective days, how Beomgyu had a big showcase coming up for his final assignment where he'd be able to show off his photos and how Taehyun had worked on his own little project (trying not to give to much away). It wasn't the first time he had ever cooked them a meal before, but it was definitely rare. Usually they would either go out to eat or chow down on ramen when they weren't studying like their lives depended on it. Only on Beomgyu's birthdays or holidays did Taehyun cook for them. It was probably a red flag to the older that something was going on more than Taehyun would admit.

It hit Taehyun that he was about to officially ask Beomgyu out in the form of a embarrassing, cheesy love song when they were standing at the sink washing the dishes. His skin pricked as the room became suddenly cold, and his heart started to feel like it was not beating normally. He swallowed a couple times even though his throat felt dry as a desert and he solely focused on the by now spotless plate that was in his hands. Beomgyu must have noticed his fixation on the object as he observed him carefully.

"What are you hiding from me Hyunnie?" Beomgyu pressed, interrupting the intimidating silence between them.

Taehyun swallowed again before slowly lifting his head and meeting Beomgyu's glance. Damn the boy for being so perceptive of Taehyun's feelings. Then again he wasn't that surprised that his facade had been seen through. 

"I-" Taehyun began, setting the plate back down into the sink, "It's nothing bad. But there is something I need to show you..."

Beomgyu nodded with the previous worried look turning into a curious one as Taehyun hesitantly took one of his larger hands in his tiny one and started to lead him through the apartment. The younger took him down to the room at the end of the long hallway that was supposed to be their future study room and stopped in front of the door. Taehyun's hand was a little sweaty and shaky, a telltale sign that he was nervous as fuck.

"You're gonna go in there, push play on the video displayed on my laptop, and just watch it all the way through. By yourself. And don't come out until you know your answer. Okay?" 

Beomgyu sideyed the younger, lips drawn out in a thin line. Taehyun just kept his blinking eyes set forward on the closed door. After a couple seconds, Beomgyu sighed and let go of Taehyun's hand reluctantly, turning the doorknob with his now free hand and entering the room. He closed the door behind him and Taehyun was left alone.

He turned on his heel immediately and beelined for the living area. If he stayed near the room while he knew Beomgyu was watching his video it would be too much to handle for his poor heart.

Plopping down onto the couch with a loud thump, he brought his knees to his chest and burrowed his head into his arms as they hugged around his legs. His heart was beating harshly and fast, breathing quickening as well. He started to second guess his decision to do this a minute into trying not to have a panic attack. What if this made Beomgyu feel pressured when he wasn't ready like Taehyun was? What if he was weirded out that Taehyun had written a song about him and it was too strong of a first move? What if Beomgyu rejected him or laughed at hi-

 _No._ Taehyun thought at that last panicked doubt. Beomgyu would never laugh at him for something serious like this. And he had enough faith in Beomgyu to know he loved him just as much. All this time he had been waiting on Taehyun to have time to learn to love himself before jumping into a relationship. Beomgyu loved him _that much._

Minutes felt like hours or days before he heard a door creak open from the back of the apartment. His head shot up so fast he got whiplash as he listened closely to feet padding across the hardwood floor, footsteps hurried and getting closer and closer up from behind him. He didn't dare look back even when the culprit was surely standing right up against his back. He jumped slightly as Beomgyu suddenly appeared in front of him, making him impressed briefly how fast the older had gotten around the couch before hands were on his face and lips were on his own.

He gasped into the desperate kiss, before he melted into it and started to kiss back just as feverant. Beomgyu's lips were slightly chapped, but still soft like he had always imagined they would be. Taehyun's hands found their way onto Beomgyu's hips as the older rested one knee on the cushion next to the younger's legs, that were now no longer folded up, and leaned into the remaining space left until their chests were pushed flush against each other. 

Eventually the need for air encouraged them to seperate, but not without Beomgyu pecking his lips repeatedly afterwards before they completely stopped.

Taehyun opened his eyes and they widened once he realized that Beomgyu had tear tracks staining his face. He reached up and thumbed over the ones on his left cheek, brow furrowing in concern despite the fact that the older had cried from obvious happiness rather than sadness.

"I love you too Taehyun." Beomgyu choked out, "God I love you so much. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, not just as friends anymore too."

Taehyun smiled brightly and tears welled up in his own eyes.

"Good, because I'm ready and I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be with you. I love you. Always have, always will." He said earnestly as the tears fell. 

And if a spot on his right shoulder burned, he couldn't tell when Beomgyu was wrapping him in his healing arms and pressing kisses to his cheeks and forehead a million times.

That night, Beomgyu and Taehyun kissed passionately until their lips strayed to other parts of their bodies. Beomgyu went slow as to not push pass any lines, afraid of going way too fast and scaring the younger. 

It was a little frustrating to be treated so gently like he would break easily, but he knew he wouldn't be ready to go too far just yet so he didn't complain. All he really wanted right in this moment was for Beomgyu to kiss him and hold him tight. The room became hot at some point and they found themselves stripping their shirts off. 

Beomgyu pressed kisses to each nasty word on his skin with loving whispers of how beautiful Taehyun truly was and how wrong all these people were about him. And for once, Taehyun believed him. Taehyun believed that he was everything Beomgyu told him he was. He believed that he was beautiful and not ugly in the slightest. He believed he wasn't broken. He believed he was worthy of love like everyone else.

And for once, he loved himself.

His bullies couldn't hurt him anymore, his mother couldn't hurt him anymore, his Imprinticitis couldn't hurt him anymore. The words all faded into smudges of ink and the only ones that didn't were the very ones Beomgyu had spoken to him years ago, the only words that truly mattered. 

He had stopped wearing makeup on them, but he had never showed them off either. They had stayed covered by his pants, the owner of those very words not even knowing they existed. He wanted to change that now, wanted Beomgyu to know he had given Taehyun the best words of all. 

"Look at my left hip..." He whispered.

Beomgyu perked up from where he was kissing along Taehyun's collarbone, shuffling his body down until his face was inches away from the younger's hips. He carefully pulled down the top of Taehyun's shorts and read the words revealed there.

Taehyun sucked in his bottom lip, wondering what Beomgyu's expression looked like since he could only see the top of his head from this angle. 

"Hyunnie...." Beomgyu whimpered before scooting back up quickly, nuzzling his wet face into the spot on the pillow next to Taehyun's head. He cried silently as he felt the younger snake his arms around his quivering body and rub his hands up and down his back.

"Thank you Beomgyu-hyung, for always loving me and helping me love myself." He cooed into the older's ear softly.

As long as he had those words on his left hip and the one who had given them to him by his side, Taehyun knew he'd love the scars that had once made him feel ugly and in turn make him feel beautiful instead. 

_🎵I feel the most beautiful when I'm with you_ _._

_That's all I've ever wanted to feel, to feel beautiful._

_And that's just one of the reasons I've loved you since I was 15.🎵_


End file.
